Jul 11, 2024

Financial planning, Relationships

What we wish we knew earlier about setting financial goals as a couple

Emily Luk

CPA, CFA - CEO and Cofounder of Plenty

The first time my husband and I started setting financial goals together, I felt equal amounts of excitement and nervousness. We didn’t quite know where to start, and it felt new and uncomfortable to be this vulnerable. It felt like I was relinquishing an independence I hadn’t even realized I so valued, and while I was excited for this next chapter…. It was still new.


In today’s post, I shared the things we had known earlier about setting goals as a couple. We learned through many bumps and scrapes and tried many different approaches, but the steps below are what we’ve found work best.

The key steps involve:

  1. Reflecting independently, then sharing 

  2. Learning how to visualize together

  3. Reminding ourselves of our goals

  4. Measuring our progress

  5. Celebrating along the way


The reframe moment


I still remember the moment Channing asked, “what if we treated this like planning a trip?”


We love traveling. And we love traveling together: it brings out the best of our curiosity, adventurousness, openness to new connections and spontaneity. And we’re often reminded of how similar and different we are, based on the things that draw each of our attention. 


When we travel, we run into bumps. And we also embrace that the bumps are just part of the trip. It’s not always easy to maintain that in everyday life - especially when things are stressful, we’re tired, we’re juggling family and friends or varying sleep deprivation. 


But what if we treated planning our financial life, like planning a trip together? One where we’re both excited and engaged. We each have our own things we like to research (I’m the foodie, he’s the transportation navigator), and it all comes together in a trip we both love.


Starting separately, then coming back together


Now when we set financial goals (or frankly, make any big decisions as a couple), we start off with brainstorming a set of questions, then spending some capped time independently thinking about it. 


Some examples of questions:

  • What do we want life to look like in 3 years?

  • What do we want to have achieved, financially?

  • What does financial security mean to us, in 3 years?

  • What big purchases or expenses do we think we’ll have or want to have?

  • Is there a financial goal that’s important to me, independently? 


We then set a timeline: sometimes, it’s spending 30-60 minutes sharing a space journaling. Other times, one of us may go for a walk while the other one mulls on it at home. Either way, we begin to start forming our own thoughts then we come back together to share.


Ground in curiosity


Sharing can be hard: sometimes, the conversation is triggering to one partner, while the other partner feels overly exposed and vulnerable. Perhaps it brings up old fights, triggers defensiveness or feels like blame. 


We’ve found that the most productive conversations have been when we require any responses while sharing, to be only formed in questions. To understand each other more. Why is that important to you? Are there fears beneath that? Are there dreams beyond that? Where does this desire come from? How did your childhood influence this?


Learning how to visualize together


After each sharing, we work on a shared vision of the future. And we try to describe and document it, so we know what we’re working towards. For example, we may have a goal of buying a house:


  • What does it feel like to walk into our home?

  • What does a Friday evening look like when we’re at home?

  • Are there some smells that make us feel like we’re at home?

  • What does the house look like? 

  • What does the surrounding look like?


The power of visualization is a technique often used by athletes to help bring focus and intentionality to what they’re trying to achieve. We’ve found that putting the upfront effort into visualizing what we want, helps us stay on track together. To learn the psychology behind visualization, we’ve found this article helpful.


Keeping our goal front and center


Whenever we’re aligned on a goal and not reminded ourselves of it, we’ve usually forgotten it. Now, we try to remind ourselves of what we’re working towards: this can be in a spreadsheet, in a sticky note on our calendar, in home screensaver… the key is to remind ourselves of the reward of putting in the effort (because it’s not always easy).


Keeping physical reminders of our goals around help us maintain momentum: less in the moments when we’re energized, and more so when we’re tired and most likely to stray. Like that sticky note reminder of our savings goal for the month over the fridge, for that moment when we wonder if it’s easier to order delivery after a long day.


How to measure our goal progress


Whether it’s in Plenty, a spreadsheet, or perhaps a piece of paper taped onto your fridge, measurement matters.


When we built Plenty’s investment features and made it possible to create goals, our focus was on making it easier for couples to set and reach financial goals together. Being able to easily see that we’re 10% further along in our goal was motivating and helped us keep going. Being able to measure progress (or see if we’re falling behind), gave us a starting place to understand how we’re doing and if we need to do anything differently.


It made it possible to feel like we’re on a team. And we share a place we can go to, toknow how we’re doing.


Learning how to celebrate


Researchers have found that it’s more important to celebrate the earlier wins to help maintain momentum. Celebrating reaching 10% or 25% has been correlated to increasing the probability that you keep going, more than celebrating reaching 75% or 90%. 


And celebration matters: recognizing each other and the effort you’ve put in together makes that achievement just that much sweeter. So just as important as planning our goals, we set future “treats or trophies” for ourselves. Perhaps it’s cracking open that special bottle of wine when we get to 25% of this goal. Or it’s going out dancing at this other milestone. 


It’s a saying that’s so often used, it’s nearly overdone…. But I certainly believe there’s a lot of truth to: the journey is the destination.




Source


Russell, Mellissa. "Why Celebrating Small Wins Matters." Harvard Summer School, 30 May 2024, www.summer.harvard.edu/blog/why-celebrating-small-wins-matters/.




About Plenty


Plenty is an investment platform designed specifically for couples to build wealth, together. We go beyond budgeting, making it simple to invest, save and grow towards your future goals by unlocking access to the financial strategies of the wealthy. Ready to get started? Sign up for your 1 month free trial today.


Enjoying the blog? Sign up for our newsletter for the latest news and expert advice about money, relationships, and everything in between. 


——


The information provided herein is for general informational purposes only and should not be considered individualized recommendations or personalized investment advice. The type of strategies mentioned may not be suitable for everyone. Each investor should evaluate an investment strategy based on their unique circumstances before making any investment decisions.


Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Past performance may not be indicative of future results. Asset allocation, diversification, and rebalancing do not ensure a profit or protect against loss in declining markets. Examples provided are for illustrative purposes only and not intended to be reflective of results you can expect to achieve.


Tax-loss harvesting involves certain risks, including, among others, the risk that the new investment could have higher costs than the original investment and could introduce portfolio tracking error into your accounts. There may also be unintended tax implications. We recommend that you consult a tax professional before taking action.


Plenty does not provide legal or tax advice. Where specific advice is necessary or appropriate, individuals should contact their own professional tax and investment advisors or other professionals (CPA, Financial Planner, Investment Manager) to help answer questions about specific situations or needs prior to taking any action based upon this information.


All expressions of opinion are subject to change without notice in reaction to shifting market, economic, and geo-political conditions

AUTHOR

Emily Luk

CPA, CFA - CEO and Cofounder of Plenty

Emily is the ceo and cofounder of Plenty. Started by a husband and wife team, Plenty is a wealth platform built for modern couples to invest and plan towards their future, together. Previously, she was VP of Strategy and Operations at Even (acquired by Walmart/One) and a founding team member of Stripe's Growth and Finance & Strategy teams. She began her career as a VC, and was one of the youngest nationally to complete her CPA, CA and CFA designations.

THIS SITE IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND SHOULD NOT BE RELIED UPON AS INVESTMENT ADVICE. This site/application has been prepared by Plenty and is not intended to be (and may not be relied on in any manner as) legal, tax, investment, accounting or other advice or as an offer to sell or a solicitation of an offer to buy any securities of any investment product or any investment advisory service. The information contained in this site/application is superseded by, and is qualified in its entirety by, such offering materials. This site/application may contain proprietary, trade-secret, confidential and commercially sensitive information.